The Mind of Deni and its confusion

Don't misread what i'm saying

I think about you everyday
weather it's good or bad it's there

this time of year is making my heart sink and float at the same time

this is hard, so much harder then i tell myself every time i want to cry

It's not worth the pain anymore

and it's not worth the fight

So when that feeling of a wave of emotions comes across my heart and mind i remind myself why I'm hurting...
I love you more than anything i have
I believed in you more than i ever believed in myself

and it was wrong... i was never the whole i should have been or that i thought i was..

but this is life and I have to let it go

Still cherish all that was good in you and all that was good in us... but they don't outweigh all that tore us apart.

Nobody's perfect and i accept that.

I miss your laugh and smile... the way you knew when to shut up and when to hug me... the way we were in our own world when we were in a room full of people.. the face you pulled when you wanted nookie and the face you pulled when you knew i was hurting...waking up naked beside you with your arms wrapped around me... I miss all those little things and sometimes, just sometimes... I wish i could have it all back.. But you can't always get what you want hey.. It just wont work... :/ *sigh*

I don't want to be the bad guy and i guess this time i gotta be but i never lied when i said i loved you... and that i would forever... that it would never change no matter what happens.

the only thing that's changing is the world around me and i'm trying to keep my world in check

my world with you was amazing but a mess a life i can not live as we saw it killed us both and hurt our surroundings...

...mi corazon te pertenece para siempre....

Is it bad to become infatuated with someone?
Even when they (i'm pretty sure) have no idea? is that pathetic? haha
then everything this person does seems to be ... just right?
when they are just being them and are just amazing in your eyes for no reason apart from the fact they are there and just somehow open your eyes and mind to things that you were too afraid to venture... how can you make me feel so safe with nothing but your words and optimistic little push. you just calm me. You remind me that the world is beautiful and i think that people like you should be in more places.
Or that i should have more people like you around me :)

We are still young, we are still are still learning,we have forever yet to adventure and so much to explore I would love to take the chance with you and discover things i only dream of that's what you bring out in me and i love that part of me.

I love the questions that you ask and i dig your points of view... i'm so interested in you and all about you :>
anyways... thats just one aspect of it :P
:D

it really is not my problem that you read into things way too much and that you're amazingly insecure.. take your bullshit elsewhere please because frankly i am over stroking your ego.
i never said i wouldn't hurt, i only said i'd try.
i never said i had it made
nor that it will be easy

Please don't let this turn into something it's not
I can only give you everything I've got
I can't be as sorry as you think I should
But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

We have got through so much worse than this before
What's so different this time that you can't ignore
You say it is much more than just my last mistake
And we should spend some time apart for both our sakes

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness

And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness

I just want to say
I miss you.. so much and i'm sorry for everything i did...
I would take it all back if it would change everything
I would tell you i miss you if i wasn't so proud
I would tell you i knew i was in the wrong
and I would say "let's jump in your car and just drive" with the music blasting and you road raging at fail drivers :P
there are so many times we had such an awesome time and i hope you don't forget that, because i don't.

I hope you're doing well and life is getting better, you're an amazing person who doesn't deserve not even half the shit you've been through. You have such a beautiful heart and i know you always care more then you let on :P so know this, i still love you all the same despite anything that's happened, i regret everything that was said and my intentions were never to hurt you but i know i managed to do just that.

anyways not that it may matter thats how i feel :/
xx

haha i haven't been on live journal for a long while and i had a draft saved it was these lyrics im going to post from lion man by mumford an sons that i felt were very relevant to my heart... i still do only it's come full circle in emotions :>
either way i came for a wee entree
and here it is!

Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep little lion man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rape yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your score
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

yep... time to accept defeat and move on time to take a dive and enjoy the water on my skin and through my hair cooling me off...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

i don't know what to do when i try and try i always feel like im always the one whos doing people wrong i wish i could make things better but how can i when people don't try when they say they will and then they don't or if they just completely overhaul your life and well i feel like im on stand by for my (social) life to begin again....

I'm tired of making new friends all over its rather annoying hearing myself over and over again when i really just want my friends back........ what should i do??? HELP ME SOMEONE

i've been a bitch but i'm not in the wrong.

i've been there for people and now i feel like everyone has turned their back on me.

i feel more alone now then i ever have and it honestly is tearing me apart. where do i begin to pick up the pieces...
it's been so long since anyone really gave a shit.

but no in life i have to pay don't i... :'(

i'm not always this sad but this is honestly the lowest i've ever felt about my friendships

1970's when the music was experimental and original amoungst other things when ther were things worth passionatly fighting for when a t-shirt the one that was worn untill it no longer fitted how I wish I was a teen in the 70's get into it :)

She used to be the sweetest girl ever
Now she like sour and Mcgregor
She wears a dress to the T like the letter
And if you make it rain she will be under the weather
She used to run track back in high school
Now she tricks off the track right by school
She takes a loss cos’ she don’t wanna see her child lose
So respect her, I’ll pay up for the time used
And then she runs to the pastor
And he tells her there will be a new chapter
But she feels no different after
And then she asks him…
Cos’ I’ma tell you like Wu told me
Cash rules everything around me
Singin’ dollar dollar bill y’all (dollar, dollar bill y’all)
Singin’ dollar dollar bill y’all(dollar, dollar bill y’all)
Some live for the bill
Some kill for the bill (where my money at?)
She wined for the bill
Grind for the bill (where my money at?)
Some steal for the bill, if they got to pay the bill (where my money at?)